I take my parenting seriously. No, really, even if I did use Bad Language even when my son was young (he used to exclaim, when annoyed, “oh, bad word I’m not allowed to say!” but now he just says them), and even if I did read all of Phillip Pullman’s His Dark Materials to him starting when he was five. No, really, seriously. Very seriously. That’s how I take it.
So, when, five years ago, starting about when we moved into Nutwood, a picture of which I append below, I started receiving mail addressed “To The Parents of Friction Heart,” I was perturbed, as I knew of no child by that name, and had not in any way been taking care of him. (And what sort of a name is Friction Heart anyway? And why would I name anybody that? If I were going to use “Heart” as a last name, I for sure wouldn’t name the kid “Friction.” I’d use “E,” tying the child into a long line of His People, “E Heart” being an old Brannen brand. There’s an E-Heart Press, too; that would be a good name. But no. I had to go and name him Friction, for reasons I do not know.)
We still don’t know where Friction Heart is, but he’s apparently the age of my son. The latest missive I got started thusly:
You and your student, Friction, are scheduled to participate in an educational group presentation followed by a personal interview to help determine college admission and financial aid eligibility.
Well. the Real Son, to whom I am actually related, and have indeed been raising, in my fashion, for more than 16 years now, is indeed applying to colleges this fall! Just like Friction! We asked him if he wanted to go to this presentation. He didn’t. I wanted him to pretend to BE Friction, so that we could get free goodies, which I’m pretty sure will be passed out at the presentation. Maybe cookies.
It’s urgent! They said so!
Friction’s interview will take place either Saturday, August 10 or Sunday August 11. These may be the only dates we have available for Friction this school year!
The Real Son, who annoyingly objects to the fact that I now call him Friction, says he has no idea how anybody mixed him up with some mythical Friction Heart person. Even though I found this lovely video on youtube — do you know this song? I asked him. Any chance you used the title as an username? Nope he said, too emo.
This is what Nutwood looked like, back when Friction Heart moved in. No idea where he’s been staying; even the dogs don’t seem to know he’s here.
Anyway. I’m his mom, and he should be going to school, probably. God knows what his grades are like, and here he is about to start applying to colleges.
If you run into him, tell him to come on home.